I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
That accounts for only three of the penises
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
