called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
