watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize