yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize