I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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