You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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