don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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