Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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