Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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