We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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