College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize