At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
