I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
