why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
