'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
