I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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