I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
