before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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