WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
