Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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