I wannas sexs uuuuu
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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