The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
