I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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