actually, I'm a sock model
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
