Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
