3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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