At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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