i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
