I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
