WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just high enough for therapy.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
