Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
