I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize