He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
