Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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