5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
