Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
