I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize