guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
