you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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