So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
