If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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