you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
