what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
