Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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