I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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