elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
