yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
