I cockslap morals
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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