And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize