My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize