In the future we'll all be gay
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
