Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
PANTIES FOUND
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