...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize