I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
