we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize