you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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