who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize