Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
