I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize