That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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