We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
