would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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