yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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